The Top Ten Most Spectacular Ways to Spend Your Weekend
1. You win the Powerball.
2. You are at a beach; the temperature is eighty degrees with a nice breeze. The sun is out, and you are sipping lemonade. For the next forty-eight hours, you will sleep, swim, or build sandcastles. (I want to be on that beach RIGHT NOW.)
3. You eat cheese snacks. (Clarification – You get to eat cheese snacks all weekend without feeling ill or gaining any weight.)
4. Twenty nice people spend the weekend cooking for you, cleaning for you, rubbing your feet, and basically treat you like a Greek God.
5. You have a fantasy encounter with Pierce Brosnan or Gwyneth Paltrow. (Please choose the appropriate gender.)
6. All the people you love take turns telling you how super fantastic you are. ( I love ego trips.)
7. You lie on your couch and watch twelve straight hours of the West Wing on DVD. (I've lived this kind of weekend. It really is lovely.)
8. On Friday evening, every single mean person in the world will turn into a potato. From Friday on, we will enjoy World Peace and low potato prices at the grocery store. (That's what I call a two for the price of one deal.)
9. For the span of forty-eight hours, you get to be five-years-old again. This means you will have unlimited energy, you'll be really cute, and you can throw temper-tantrums. I'm talking about HUGE guilt-free hissy fits. And no matter how much you kick and scream, people will still like you and give you candy.
10. You are whisked away to Radio City Music Hall where Carrot Top is waiting to perform his "Weekend Spectacular" just for you.
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