Silly Humor by Melody

My New Favorite - Julia Nunes

My friend, Potluck (yes, we call him Potluck), suggested this fine singer.  I trust Potluck's educated musical recommendations, so I clicked on one of Julia Nunes' You Tube videos.

I can vouch for three things:

She's a good singer.

She's cute, cute, cute like little fluffy birds and pancakes.

She's FUNNY! Make sure you watch the whole video for all the fun packed coolness.

Novocaine Face

After three shots from my dentist, my lips were not working quite right.  I thought you'd enjoy laughing at me.

Miscommunication Moments

When seeing a friend recently, I wanted to say something interesting.  I racked my brain for a springy anecdote.

I said, "I just saw a seven foot tall transvestite walking down the street."

The friend gave me a blank stare.  "So?"

"He wore a short, short mini dress.  You could see his bare man legs."

"And?"

How could I convey to this uninterested individual that a transvestite in eight-inch heels tottering down main street just naturally gives me the giggles?  I said, "His wig was bigger than a full grown poodle."

My friend frowned and asked me what I thought of the weather.

I wondered fleetingly if I had offended her.  Does she have a brother who wears make-up?  I wanted to backtrack and say something about how I respect transvestites, but I would laugh at anyone wearing a black satin baby doll dress in forty degree temperatures.

In the end, I let it go.  Anecdotes become the kiss of a conversation's death when you try to explain them.  Instead we talked about the wind chill factor.

When we parted company, I took out my notebook and wrote the word "Transvestite."  This made me chuckle. Then I wrote it down four more times.  I was so pleased that at least I got my own joke.

Money Gremlins?

Where is all the world's money going?

Day after day I hear about credit freezes and stock prices plummeting.  But here's what I don't understand.  A month ago, we were all doing okay.  Not great, but we weren't worried about our banks blowing up like mini atom bombs.

So what gives?  Or maybe a better question is: who's taking?

Is there really one country on Earth that has horded all the paper money?  Does that same country now own all the online bank accounts?  There has to be some money somewhere.

I say we find out which four billionaires are sucking up our money and ask them, nicely, to give it back.

In the mean time, don't tell anyone, but I have 32 cents in a jam jar hidden in a brown bag in my freezer.  I'm optimistic it will see me through...at least until...Wait!  It's gone!

I'm doomed.

Empty Threats

Do you describe horrific punishments to people that you know you have no intention of carrying out?

I do.  It's kind of like a hobby with me.

My main target, of course, is the Silly Boyfriend.  He will do something I don't enjoy, like he will ignore me, and then I make an outrageous threat.

"You better pay attention to me or I will tie you up like a salty pretzel."

Sometimes the pure insanity of my threats win the day.  He's stunned into paying attention.

Other times he uses a devious strategy.  To my newest verbal violence, he says, "Okay, I dare you to pick up the sofa and toss it at me."

Then he stands in the middle of the room and smirks at me.

Curses!  This is the weakness of empty threats.  If I use them too much, I revert back to my natural state...an English Major with an active imagination and no ability to intimidate anyone.

Comedic Opportunities

Are you watching The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and The Colbert Report?

I don't want to hear any excuses.  You can watch them for free any time of the day at www.hulu.com

If you are not watching them during this election season, I will persecute you.

Self Loathing Can Be Fun

Because I am incredibly flawed, I like to make fun of myself.

I'm definitely not as smart as I want to be.  And this fact makes me laugh because, obviously, I'm a twisted individual.

I dwell on my mistakes.  Like yesterday I ate two brownies, a bag of M&Ms and drank a bottle of Ginger Ale. 

I ask you, Am I trying to replace my muscles with pixie sticks?

Photo courtesy of Jono Rotten at Flickr.

The Anti Welcome

I walked out my door this morning and was greeted by my neighbor's new mat.

Every day now, I will see this.  Grrr.

My neighbor is a nice girl.  She probably thinks her Anti Welcome Mat is funny.

Humph.  (I'm hoping it's just a Halloween decoration.)

Detox from the Debate

On Thursday, October 2nd I was so stressed while watching the Vice Presidential Debate, I had to keep scurrying around my apartment like a squirrel on speed.

It doesn't seem to matter who I like or who is qualified or who the actual presidential candidates are.  At the end of the debate, the news media talked about Palin being folksy and the fact that Biden didn't ramble.  This appears to me to be all most of the country expects from people who may launch nuclear weapons.

I'm afraid I'm part of the ignorant problem.  I was so freaked out by the fact that NO ONE said anything meaningful, I resorted to the only solace I can think of.  I watched Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert make fun of everyone.

What does it say about me and my country when I need to go to Comedy Central to hear straight talk?

Sigh.  The picture above is courtesy of Washington University of St. Louis.

Remember to vote for U.S. Grant in 2008!